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Hi Grace,
Very sorry to hear what you’re going through. Try to incorporate as much help as you can from friends and family, your community or church. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. The more you accept the situation as it is the less you will stress and worry about it. What you resist persists. Please check out our book “Oh My God! We’re Parenting Our Parents” since many have found the tips and articles very useful during this time in their lives. We also have Certified POP Family Coaches that can help you come up with solutions to help you cope.
Welcome Patricia! It’s great to have you as part of the POP community. POP has many valuable resources. Check out the POP blog which has many useful articles, the book “Oh My God!, We’re Parenting Our Parents” and our Certified POP Family Coaches that can help guide you through this journey. You can also like us on Facebook to get new updates as well.Hi Tamar,
Sorry to hear that you are dealing with this difficult issue. If you feel that your father is being financially abused and you feel that he is incapable of seeing it or taking action, you may want to take matters into your own hands and call the Elder Abuse Hotline. Get as many details as you can about who, what and when this financial abuse came into play. Find other witnesses that may have noticed this financial abuse as well. Most states will allow you to make a report anonymously in case you may be afraid of those who are taking advantage of him.
If you feel that you need more assistance in this matter, please consider talking with one of our to help you come up with a plan of action.
Please write back often and encourage others who are struggling to also share their problems and solutions.
Hopefully as you keep reading your way through the “Oh My God!, We’re Parenting Our Parents” book, you’ll find a lot more guidance and see more “progress.” And you’re right, it isn’t easy — at either end.
You’re on the right track with asking rather than telling. Realize that moving away from what is familiar to your parents is a big change, and one they might not be ready for.
Find moments here and there to encourage them to move closer, but don’t push the issue if they are still able to manage.
Similarly to your parents, when my parents said “No, we’re not coming” after they’d said “yes.” In my case, it took several more years for them to move to where she lived and the triggering event was “THE DOCTOR SAID IT WAS NECESSARY.”
Understand that there may be only so much you can do until your parents decide it’s in their best interest OR until a triggering event or series of events makes it necessary for you to actually step in and help. Always better if it’s the first one and you all plan it out together.
Hi Kaye,Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. One of the hardest things about caregiving is accepting the situation as it is. We wish we could change our parents attitudes, or they way the respond to situations. We can sometimes make ourselves physically ill by stressing out over what we perceive needs to changed or fixed.If you try to accept your dad for the way he is now and not fight or resist what is, you will find more peace and contentment in your life. Remember to be grateful for things that are going well in your life and focus on all of the positives, try and catch yourself when your thoughts turn negative and bring them back to where they should be.Consider checking out our book “Oh My God!, We’re Parenting Our Parents” or getting help from one of our Certified POP Family Coaches.Hi Penny,It is no easy task to take care of someone with Alzheimer’s, patience and understanding are essential during this time. Accept the fact that your mother no longer remembers, lives in the past and see things that aren’t there. Correcting her and arguing with her will only cause added stress in her life, try and go along with things as much as possible. If you need more resources or information, check out the POP community blog, “Oh My God! We’re Parenting Our Parents” book or schedule a session with one of our Certified POP Family coaches.Hi Rosemary,Thanks for your question. It would be reasonable for your mother to pay rent and living expenses to live in your home. To make it an easier process, come up with a fixed monthly amount instead of having the amount change month to month based on expenses. To come up with a reasonable amount, check to see what the average caregiver gets paid in your area, and how much rooms for rent are going for. It would be wise to come up with a tenancy agreement that you both sign, you could have a lawyer draw this up for you.Best of luck to you, if you have further questions or concerns please feel free to voice them here in our forums, search through our blog post offerings, or hire one of our Certified POP Life Coaches to help you through this process.Hi Debra,Welcome to the group! We are here to help you on your journey through POParenting. If you haven’t already please check on the wonderful resources we have available to you while you navigate caring for your aging parents.-
Jane’s book, “OH MY GOD! WE’RE PARENTING OUR PARENTS: How to Transform this Remarkable Challenge into a Journey of Love,” – available for purchase at our website, in both Kindle and paperback as well as at http://www.Amazon.com
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Our Certified POP Family Coaching program where you can hire someone to work with you, your parents, your siblings over time.
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Our growing offerings on the Blog and our Resources page
Welcome Margaret! We are happy to have you here and to offer help with the situations you are struggling with.
Here are some resources that we offer that you may find helpful:
Jane’s book, “OH MY GOD! WE’RE PARENTING OUR PARENTS: How to Transform this Remarkable Challenge into a Journey of Love,” – available for purchase at our website, in both Kindle and paperback as well as at http://www.Amazon.com (Which we see you already ordered .)
Our Certified POP Family Coaching program where you can hire someone to work with you, your parents, your siblings over time.
Our growing offerings on the Blog and our Resources page
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