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    Debra L Montgomery

    Hi I am new to the group.  I live in the Fresno California area and am looking forward to communicating with other people who have taken on the role of caring for elderly parents.

    Hi Debra,
    Welcome to the group!  We are here to help you on your journey through POParenting.  If you haven’t already please check on the wonderful resources we have available to you while you navigate caring for your aging parents.
    • Jane’s book, “OH MY GOD! WE’RE PARENTING OUR PARENTS: How to Transform this Remarkable Challenge into a Journey of Love,” – available for purchase at our website, in both Kindle and paperback as well as at
    • Our Certified POP Family Coaching program where you can hire someone to work with you, your parents, your siblings over time.
    • Our growing offerings on the Blog and our Resources page
    Denise McCann

    Hello, I’m new to the group and walked the care walk twice for both parents in georgia over last 10 years; now I seek how to partner with others. I am retired military and live in the northern virginia area for over 25 years .


    Hi Debra;  welcome to the group.  i am also new to it but am enjoying having someone to talk too.  My parents are old like yours and can’t care for themselves anymore.  I have 6 siblings but all have an excuse why they just can’t help.  My Dad is 85 and I’m sure he will out live me.  He has had 6 joints either fused or replaced.  Be assured he was nasty and demanding through everyone.  He is an old farmer.  His whole life he has done things when he wanted too and never had to answer to anyone.  He most definately does not plan on changing.  My Mom is 82, she is in heart failure and her kidneys are hanging on by a thread, literally.  She is confused and on Oxygen nightly and part of the day now.  We try to keep her from strangling her self on the tubing most days.  I do all the laundry, dusting, deep cleaning, home repairs ( my husband), cooking, baking, taxes, inspection of vehicles, medication box and take to all appointments.  Mom no longer can remember anything, so I am her memory.  Does any of this sound familiar?

    Linda Carey

    I am also new to this group.  I retired in 2008 and moved back to my hometown.  I had been away for the better part of 40 years, and I hoped to have some family support since I had just finished treatment for cancer.  Instead, my mother had a stroke shortly after I returned and I ended up taking on most of the responsibility for both my parents( Mother always did just about everything for Dad. )

    I can identify with your statement, Penny, about siblings not being able to help.  2 of mine help a little, but they choose what they want to do and when they want to do it.  The other sibling lives farther away and travels for work, so I don’t expect a lot from him.  Mother is 91 years old and lives alone now.  Dad’s in a nursing home. Mother likes to do her own grocery shopping but requires someone to be with her every second of the time at the store.  She can’t see, hear or speak very clearly, but I have stopped her from climbing shelves to reach items just out of her reach.  She needs help finding things and reading labels and asking questions of the staff.

    I take care of mail, bills, doctors’ appointments, prescriptions. setting up medicine. The most confining part is being on call all the time in case she needs something.  I’m blessed to be able to spend time with her since I was away so long, but she gets harder to understand and more impatient all thee time.  While I understand she is frustrated, I have been so tied down for the last 7 years that I feel totally burned out and unable to keep this up.  I love my parents and I want to help, but I can’t even understand what they want most of the time.




    I am new to this group.  I have just embarked on my first experience caring for my dad through a lung exacerbation flare up which was a 5 day hospital stay and I have had to remain with him when he returned home.  He has severe end stage COPD, a lung infection that was first thought to be cancer then TB which through testing it is not, but another form of a macro bacterium infection and possible congestive heart failure.  He is better but we have some big decisions as to whether he can truly stay by himself.  He lives alone  as I lost my mother 2 yrs ago.  My brother is unable to assist with care, so it is my responsibility.  I feel overwhelmed with the responsibility if knowing exactly how to proceed with keeping him safe and yet letting him remain independent.  Hoping this site might offer some insights.

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