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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 35 total)
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  • #4201
    Penny
    Participant

    Wow, I would be exhausted too,  What a demanding woman.  She needs to see a psychiatrist and recieve therapy.  I know another appointment.  But hopefully they could help you come up with some coping strategies.  You could actually have family meetings and set up a contract.  You made need to do some tough love.  If she doesn;t limit appointments she needs to go to nursing home.  That is very hard even when its your own mother.  I would definately go with a psychiatrist and therapy.  Thinking of you you need a solution ASAP

    #4200
    Penny
    Participant

    There are very nice facilities that can take care of Mom.  Some of them have outdoor gardens, and activites for people with memory deficits.  i know you never wanted to place her.  But you don’t want to loose your husband either.  People get the best help at facilities if families visit frequently.  If she has no money she can get medicaid which will pay for a faciity.  At least get her medicaid so a companion could come stay with her while you and your husband went on a date.  It sounds like you and your husband need to either hire help or place her in a facility.  Alzheimers patients reach a point where they are not safe at a regular home.  They can wander and get lost easily.  You need and elder care lawyer to help with finances.  Actually every county has a social worker that can help you apply for medicaid.  You need to get her medicaid asap.  Plus if you are looking for somone to help  it may reassure your husband you havnt forgotten him.  There are great Alzheimers support groups , you need to go.  This is a difficult disease that noone can face alone.

    #4199
    Penny
    Participant

    Power of Attorney is a big step.  First you need a full medical workup.  Occupational therapist do cognitive screening with a series of simple tests.  By having one of these periodicly you can map out a decline.  The mini mental the doctor uses is not much help. A mini- mental is they ask you 10 simple questions, including recall over a few minutes.  At the beginning of the test you tell them to remember 3 things- ball, typewriter, bill.  Then after several other questions they are asked to recall this.  They are also asked to write a simple sentence.  It is a first step in knowing there is a problem, but doesn’t really tell you what issues are failing.  The Occupational therapist exam they can actually tell you what problems they will encounter in their daily life, and give you ways to help them.  I was a visiting nurse for 9 years.  The visiting nurse service should have, physical therapist, occupational therapist, home health aides. nursing and a social worker.  talk to her physician about more extended workup.  hire a Elder Care Lawyer. Best of Luck

    #4198
    Penny
    Participant

    You need an Elder Care lawyer, they know all about Medicaid.  If she has any assets left I believe you can poor them into her house for repairs, handicap access etc.  Of course you need Power of Attorney, or your Mom to understand this stuff and work with you.  Last I heard it is 7 years to give away assets.  What I mean is Mom could give you all her money, but unless it has been 7 years since that give away.  when she goes to a nursing home, Medicaid wants that money, including the worth of her house.  If she owns her house you can look into a reverse mortgage.  Its like going backwards, now you sell your house to the bank and theygive you so much money per month to live on.   Of course once house worth is used up you no longer get a check, but they still let her live in it until she dies.  People  through medicaid and a visiting nurse service can get companions, home health aides,{ they give baths, do light cleaning, fix meals, help with pills if already set up in a medication box.}, cleaning ladies that also can do grocery shopping.  you can use her assets to take care of her and then get her on medicaid.  But , this all takes time.  I highlly suggest talking to her MD about a referral to visiting nurse.  Some insurance do pay for visiting nurse.   I was a visiting nurse for 9 years, and they have a wealth of knowledge, you can even get a social worker through them to come to the house.  Just make sure you know costs before they come to the house. Get a lawyer and good luck.

    #4197
    Penny
    Participant

    Joy, ouch, now thats a problem I have not had to face. On top of worrying about your Moms health you have this new husband.  Barbara had great advice, make sure Elder Care lawyer they know more about laws that affect the aging public.  Maybe a private detective to check out the new husband.  Have you googled him you might find other people who know him, exwife??  I totally understand your concern and I would do all of the above.  best of luck

     

    #4196
    Penny
    Participant

    I’m so sorry about your poor Moms fight.  Have you tried a consultant.  Has the occupational or speech therapist  seen your Mom.  My mom has heart disease, she gets very fatigued.  I have to tantalize her, different flavors, bright colors, small amounts , frequently.  If you give them a big plate, it overwhelms them.  Try one thing at a time, easy to swallow,like ensure pudding.  You want the most calorie and protein per teaspoonful.  My mother I have to fight to get fluids in her.  Jello, puddings, soup, icecream.  It depends on her swallowing ability.  Did they check if she is emptying her bladder.  What a urologist does is catheterize her after she has just urinated, peed.  The bladder grows bacteria like a stagnant pool.  You want less than 100cc, about 5 ounces. left in the bladder.  There are catheters that are not latex.  Maybe MD trying to kill as much bacteria as possible before they catheterize her again.  I was a RN for 35 years.  I pray to God that they have checked her blood work to see how high her white cells are, and checked a fasting blood sugar.  Diabetics get infections easy.  hope things improved soon.

    #4195
    Penny
    Participant

    Wow, that must have scared you to death.  GPS my friend,  does she always, always take her purse.  Watch she can’t get off without help.  Alzheimers comes on quickly.  The first place she needs a full medical workup, talk to her doctor.  Sometimes older people can get a urinary infection and get very confused.  She should not drive, she will hurt herself.  I personally think when a parent is doing something that causes them to be put in danger.  You are now the parent, take away the keys, better yet kill the car.  You need to look at Alzheimer facilities and have her look at them before she is unable to make a decision.  You needed Power of Attorney yesterday.  join an Alzheimers support group, they have tons of knowledge.  Maybe Mom doesn’t have Alzheimers, but it will help to get information fast.   Hang in there Mom needs you.

    #4194
    Penny
    Participant

    One of the best things you can do for your Mom and her health is to keep exact records,   When you go to the doctor and they want to do a test remind them when that test was done last .  I had a patient, that his mother liked to have multiple tests done on him.  The best way to deal with her was to remind her that this doctor said the same thing, that this test was just done.  You won’t have the guilt either, because you know this or that was checked.  My Dad loves the attention the Doctors give him.  When he was young he had a disabled brother and probably sometimes he was ignored.  Then he got polio at a young age and got all kinds of attention.  So that is my theory as to why he loves the doctor.  Thank God he still drives himself, and has good insurance.  Maybe look for another way for her to get attention.  Who knows, it might work.  I find the sicker my Mom is the more Dad needs to go to the doctor.  Is there a senior center , or a popular restaurant that older people hang at, thats the place to take Mom.  Is this something new, maybe she is afraid of dying.  Talk to her about her medical concerns, is she religious, maybe she needs a priest, seriouslly.

    I

    #4193
    Penny
    Participant

    God Bless You!  taking care of your Mom is a real treasure.  Yeah, I call my parents real treasures, because some times they drive me nuts.  I tell people it is like taking care of two toddlers.  When, Mom needs help, Dad seeks attention.  It kind of is like having a child.  One of the important things when you have a new baby is to make sure you keep your relationship with your husband.  Date night. Literally hire a sitter, better yet someone her age to hang with.

    #4192
    Penny
    Participant

    Oh , and Sadie, you are speaking my language.  I’m worried about you.  You are already feeling overwhelmed and now you are moving in.  What would happen if you broke your femur today.  Don’t let your brothers get away with dumping on the sis.  I say that and then, I remember, I have six siblings that always have more important things to do.  I try to think of jobs I can appropriatley give to them.  My brother lives in Colorado but he sends money, pays their cable, and looks up things like cameras on the internet. My sister lives a mile from my parents and is a nurse practitioner but she does as little as possible. She Likes to show up when a crisis is on so she looks like she cares.  What I’m saying is some siblings will never change and don’t waste your energy.  Others you can get to help a little.  Take care of yourself, make sure you have dinner with a friend, start exercising,take some classes in painting or pottery to help your stress.

    I do not live with my parents.  I do go in two days a week and do everything.  I have finally convinced them to have a cleaning lady every week.  My Mom has dementia and can drive you nuts in a short period of time.  So the cleaning lady gives Dad another two hours he can get out of the house.  My other sister and brother share the weekends.  But, I do all medical appointments, medications, meals, pie, cookies, take care of Mom when she is sick,{  I live in when one of them is sick.}, pay bills, manage anything they don’t understand ,insurance,etc., just manage their lives, so they can stay home.

    My mother is  now dying, part of the time I look forward to it.  Then I think I am the worst person in the world.  Girl talk helps my stress and gardening.  But, I am so stressed I can’t remember stuff and my house is falling apart.  This POP site helps, a place to vent.

    Hang in there, squeeze some brothers. thinking of you

Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 35 total)