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    Beth Scott

    Thank you for this forum..I’ve been the primary caretaker for my 82 year old mom with Alzheimer’s for three years now since the unexpected death of my dad..she lives with us..we are actually between her house and ours..two and a half hours apart..I am an only parents had made no preparations…this was thrust upon us..we have lost all of ourselves and freedom in this journey and our marriage of 33 years has been greatly impacted..I find myself getting depressed..bitter and resentful..I can find no articles on how to deal with a spouse that has trouble dealing with this kind of turn in their life…any help or suggestions would be welcome!


    There are very nice facilities that can take care of Mom.  Some of them have outdoor gardens, and activites for people with memory deficits.  i know you never wanted to place her.  But you don’t want to loose your husband either.  People get the best help at facilities if families visit frequently.  If she has no money she can get medicaid which will pay for a faciity.  At least get her medicaid so a companion could come stay with her while you and your husband went on a date.  It sounds like you and your husband need to either hire help or place her in a facility.  Alzheimers patients reach a point where they are not safe at a regular home.  They can wander and get lost easily.  You need and elder care lawyer to help with finances.  Actually every county has a social worker that can help you apply for medicaid.  You need to get her medicaid asap.  Plus if you are looking for somone to help  it may reassure your husband you havnt forgotten him.  There are great Alzheimers support groups , you need to go.  This is a difficult disease that noone can face alone.

    Debra Caligiuri

    I am so grateful for this forum—-to see so many women in situations similar to mine.  It helps to know we are not alone.  My mom is 91 and has lived with us in her own granny flat for over 7 years.  She is now much less independent as age is doing its job.  She has several chronic ailments and needs help with daily living.  I am in the process of retiring from a demanding career as is my husband of 36 years.  I love both of them but feeling trapped at a time I thought I’d be free.  This is hard but I grab moments when I do something good for myself and feel like me.  One thing that helps me is to focus on special moments with my mom so I have gems to remember and smile.  My only sibling died suddenly a few years ago.  It was shocking and sad as we had friction over mom’s care.  There were too many regrets….life is fleeting and it helps to keep things in perspective.  Best to you all on this forum.

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