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    Lisa Mulvey

    We put my Mom into memory care yesterday.  Things went great for the first 6 hours.  She liked the place, thought it was great that we’d hung some of her treasures and brought her recliner in etc.  My sister was here from Indiana and we played some viola-cello duets for she and the residents, things were going great until my sister and Dad needed to go. She began crying and pushing her walker away, saying “its time to take me home!” They did the best they could do but she’s having a difficult time understanding why she’s there. Wants to know, when can I go, why am I here, what did I do to deserve this? I’m not going to see her today as she’s had two visitors and it seems like she does better when people aren’t leaving her. I’ve mentioned to the people that visit, to reassure her, this will only be for a little while and when she’s better, we’ll get her where she wants to be.

    I guess my questions are, how long does this last? What can we do to make it better? does anyone have some good ideas to help her with her pain? (Mine too for that matter!) We’ll be contacting her Dr. to find some type of tranq or anti-anxiety meds but it’s Saturday and that’s two days away.

    Thank you in advance for any guidance.

    Sara H.

    Hi Lisa,

    This happened to my dad when I first had to leave him in the nursing home.  As heartbreaking as this is to hear, and as many times as you are there to reassure them that this is only temporary, it could continue for weeks or months.  Your best option is to accept the fact that you will continue to hear this plea and learn to expect it and try forms of distraction and redirection.  Hope that helps!


    Wow, that sounds very painful.  I wanted to cry reading your note.  My mother is confused, she lives with my 85 yr old father.  He is getting very tired and overwhelmed with her care.  We need to remove her from his home,but she freaks.  Right now I go several days a week to help him, but shes getting worse.  Dad will live to be 100 if he doesn’t drive over himself with a tractor.  I know it will take along time for her to adjust.  I think the big thing is to try to adjust your reaction to it, thats all you can do.  I’m sure there were no other options.  We had to move my mothers bedroom to the first floor.  she gets in these moods, “I’d like to shoot the person who changes all this around”  i try to let it roll off my back.  I now say ” get the gun, shoot me, I did it.”  I feel your pain, wish I could help.

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