Aging Parents… I guess that’s what I am. I’m getting very old and I think I need to have “the talk” soon and I can’t bring myself to do it.
How do I even start the conversation? I don’t want to tell my children that I’m feeling less capable of caring for myself. I have been the kind of mother who never wanted to be a burden. And now I find I can’t even open a water bottle without some physical help. I never expected my son or daughter to leave their jobs or move into my home to help me but I am scared. I have trouble with the simplest of tasks although my memory is no problem. My friends say: “Just talk to your kids. They love you.” Can those of you who’ve been able to have that talk share what you said and how it went after that?
Hi Maria. I’m glad to help. I couldn’t find the “right words” until one day my 45-year-old daughter came and found me on the ground after I’d fallen and couldn’t get up. Don’t wait until there’s a problem like mine. It may be scary to talk to your kids, but it’s scarier to lie there for a few hours and think about no one coming to help… Your friends are right — just do it.
Some people can “just do it.” Others of us are not so able to easily venture in and perhaps are fearful of rejection. Big time. We really aren’t sure how our children will respond and we are really uncomfortable about fully revealing how needy — and sometimes how lonely — we are.
I found that I just had to bite the bullet and trust that I’d raised them right. I found a time to open the conversation with my daughter when we were together, without any imminent problems, and when I felt calm. But, frankly, when I took that breath to start, I was shaking inside. I recognize that helping me with little things may be the beginning of a long road for us all. And when I did bring up my current needs for more help, her warmth in responding brought tears to my eyes.
Now more than ever, I am happy that I gave my best when I raised her because caring for me is looking very similar to my raising her.
This reply was modified 6 years, 6 months ago by Ruth Bowers.
I am disabled at 56, not your problem. there are wrenches to open any thing. try the AARP store, If you hire a cleaning lady once a week, she could open hard to open items. Make your environment safe for you. Please talk to your children.
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