I have tried talking with her; telling her people have seen her driving abilities and have told me she has to stop. We (husband and I) have offered to drive her wherever and whenever she needs to be driven – not happening! One month after ending up in an argument about this, she had an accident – that I only found out about by accident – she still has not told me about it. I have called her general practice doctor – who won’t talk to me because she has never signed HIPPA forms; talked with her eye doctor – friend of mine, who is treating her for glaucoma; talked with local police; talked with motor vehicle department; talked with town social services; talked with her boyfriend (of 10 years); talked with local Probate Court regarding Conservatorships – voluntary and involuntary – neither of which will work at the moment; have to wait until she’s in a situation where a doctor will write a report stating her inabilities. All to no avail. Police said if she has an accident they can <span style=”text-decoration: underline;”>then</span> pull her license – well, it happened and they only gave her a written warning. She lives alone in the house I grew up in – too big for her to care for – and she can’t see very well. She won’t let anyone help her – no outside help, unless she calls and pays for it. She won’t talk to me about any assistance. No Power of Attorney-won’t sign!
Is your mother alert and oriented? Is she capable of making her own decisions. If driving puts her or others in danger disable her car. Remove her distributor cap. take her keys. you are looking for someone else to do a job you are responsible for. Yes, she will be mad at you. I had a elderly man as a patient when I was a visiting nurse, The therapists everyone told his daughter he was unsafe to drive. She wouldn’t take responsibility to stop his driving. He drove his cadilac through the back of the garage, the garage collapsed on top of him. Luckily he wasn’t killed. I see it as if you have a toddler and you let him ride his bike in the road, and he is injured, you are responsible. It s the same thing when we let our parents drive. When they clearly are unsafe and unable.
First, thank you for your Post/Response. My mother, most of the time, is alert and oriented. She still lives in the house I grew up in;l does all her own housework, including outside work (mowing, trimming, etc.) and will NOT accept any help. In fact, she gets rather feisty and sort of angry whenever assistance is offered. My husband thought about “fixing” the car so that it wouldn’t run, but she’d just call AAA or a local mechanic to come fix it, without us knowing about it. No way of getting hold of the keys from her. I’ve attempted to talk with her about giving up driving and she out very defensive and started an argument with me. It was exactly one month after this argument that she had the accident, where the police gave her a written warning. I’m not looking for someone else to do a job that is my responsibility, what CAN I do. Her car is locked in a garage that can’t be accessed unless she is home and would definitely hear if someone goes in there; she has a couple of sets of car keys and I don’t know where they all are; she won’t accept any assistance for anything to do with herself, her home, shopping, etc. I am honestly concerned about her having another accident and possibly harming someone else and/or herself, but she has been given the right to drive, and her doctor, the police and the motor vehicle department have not revoked that right. I’m sorry you feel that I am avoiding my responsibilities, but I can’t help someone who doesn’t want my help. And we have even told her, numerous times, that my husband or I are always available to take her anywhere she needs to go, to no avail. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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