Navigation: POP Community Forums Aging Parents Don't know what to do

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    Evette Saunders

    i am 83-years old and a widow. I don’t know what to do for the first time in my life. I fell last week and began to realize how vulnerable I am living in my apartment on the third floor walk-up. My kids are very nice people but I don’t want to burden them — they all work hard and have families.

    I don’t really want to live with them but I need to talk to them and feel very scared. I have avoided telling them about my fall because I fear they will insist I move in with them. Anyone else had this problem and can help me?

    • This topic was modified 9 years, 10 months ago by Evette Saunders.
    • This topic was modified 9 years, 9 months ago by Jane.

    I feel certain that my parents feel as you do. They don’t want to “burden” me. What makes them decide that it is a burden? Is it a lifestyle change? Yes. Is it a financial expense? Yes…. but those are welcome and expected and not a burden. My parents took care of me, changed my diapers and helped me when I couldn’t walk. Now it’s my turn. It’s called the cycle of life. Its normal, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy… For the parent or the child. “Not easy” is different from “burden”.  What is a burden for me is losing sleep from worrying about my parents, knowing they need help…which in turn affects my job. It’s a burden to want to help, but being afraid to offend their dignity, or make them feel less independent. I would welcome my parents asking for help.  Please help your children to help you.


    Oh Evette I’m sorry.  It is so hard to give up our independence.  the first thing is what caused the fall.  Did you talk to your doctor, they have to keep a secret.  I am disabled myself, Rheumatoid Arthritis for 17 years.  I always tell my husband if I fall because I feel I wouldn’t want him to not tell me.  We have a relationship and I don’t want to change it.  You have a relationship with your children.  If you are honest and have a plan to keep yourself safe it will help.  How about a “lifeline”  you wear it around your neck or like a watch if you fall you can just push the button.  The system works through your telephone line.  the Lifeline operator will call you when you push button,  then the operator asks you what you need.  they will call who ever you want.  they only send police ambulance if you don’t answer.  Yes, you can accidently set it off, you just tell the operator it was an accident.  No extra charge, they are very pleasant.  My Mom has had one for 5 years now.   The main thing is what call ed the fall.  No loose rugs, good shoes, no flip flops, wide pathways, and definately grabbars in the bathroom.  Call your town social worker ask about first level apartments.  there are assistance programs for senior housing.  You might enjoy being with people your age instead of alone in your kids house while they are at work.  Look for apartment near grocery and good buslines.  Good Luck, tell your kids let them help you.

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