Wow, that sounds very painful.  I wanted to cry reading your note.  My mother is confused, she lives with my 85 yr old father.  He is getting very tired and overwhelmed with her care.  We need to remove her from his home,but she freaks.  Right now I go several days a week to help him, but shes getting worse.  Dad will live to be 100 if he doesn’t drive over himself with a tractor.  I know it will take along time for her to adjust.  I think the big thing is to try to adjust your reaction to it, thats all you can do.  I’m sure there were no other options.  We had to move my mothers bedroom to the first floor.  she gets in these moods, “I’d like to shoot the person who changes all this around”  i try to let it roll off my back.  I now say ” get the gun, shoot me, I did it.”  I feel your pain, wish I could help.