Ouch!  what a pickle.  Parents love to give us the almighty guilt trip. You are entirely right to tell Dad “no”.  They decided to be separated a long time ago.  You didn’t divorce them.  Tell Dad you want to still be involved in his life but no can’t take care of him too.  I don’t think you should feel quilty at all.  I care for Mom and Dad in the same household.  But Dad wants me to take Mom home with me.  She is a handfull, weak from heart disease,confused and driving Dad nuts.  I have 6, count them 6 siblings, very few do anything.  The ones out of state will send money, no time.  I have a brother who lives nextdoor to my parents.  But he helps when he wants to.  I have a sister who lives a mile from my parents,but can’t do crap.  My point is you can’t always count on others to be as generous as you are.  Stick up for yourself, set limits, protect your relationship with your husband..