Hi Susan,

I’ve been going through the same thing with my mother.  She refuses to take my advice and she wants me to take care of her even though she is perfectly well enough to take care of herself.  She has become depressed and seem to have lost her will to even try anymore.  She is ungrateful and criticizes what I do for her all of the time. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone.

Here are a few things that I have done to make this situation more tolerable:

– I make sure I put myself first.  I let her know that I am here for her and will take care of her but my needs come first.  I make sure I shower, get enough sleep, get some form of exercise, eat right and take care of myself.

– I take breaks by finding others to help me out.  I reached out to my church and have some respite once or twice a week by church members offering their time to give me the breaks I need.

–  I accept my mom for who she is and have no expectation of her changing her behaviors, if she does, then that is an added bonus. It seems the more I accept the situation and not fight it, the easier this living situation has become.

–  I try and mentally put myself in her place as much as I can, by creating this empathy of “How would I feel if I was in her shoes”  I am able to have more compassion for her.

It sounds like this living situation is new for you, give it time and hang in there.  Once you establish routines it will most likely become easier.